Here is a copy of the QandA session our Director did with thr BABA Blog for Anti Bullying Month.
Q&A: Dr Andy Hickson on Anti-Bullying
Q1) What are the triggers that cause bullying to start?
A) Bullying has many triggers both for the bully and the
person getting bullied. In terms of the person getting bullied it often starts
when notable differences or weaknesses are perceived. Bullies tend to pick up
on these. So if people are lonely, without a friendship group, stand out in any
way, depressed or similar, their already low self-esteem and lack of confidence
may be compounded by being bullied. It should also be pointed out that anybody
has the potential to get bullied and anyone has the potential to be a bully.
Q2) What are the different forms of bulling?
A) The main forms of bullying are physical (hitting,
kicking, spitting etc), emotional (name calling, excluding etc), relational
(hurting someones reputation, bad rumours etc) and cyber (bullying through the
use of technology such as mobile phones and through social networks).
Q3) What are the signs to watch out for, changes in my
child’s behaviour, etc?
A) There are many signs to watch out for, but be aware that
these very same signs could indicate other things than bullying. Signs include:
being frightened of walking to and from school, not wanting to go on the school
bus or not wanting you to go on the school bus with them, they may beg you to
drive them to school, feeling ill in the mornings or late at night, begin
truanting, start doing badly in their school work, have their school clothes or
books destroyed, come home hungry (because the bully as taken their dinner
money), become withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence, become depressed
and anxious, stop eating, they may attempt or threaten suicide, cry themselves
to sleep, have regular nightmares and not want to sleep in their own bed, have
their stuff go missing, ask for money or start stealing (to give to the bully),
refuse to talk about what's wrong with them, have unexplained bruises, cuts,
scratches, start to bully other children, brothers or sisters , become
aggressive and unreasonable, and more. Look out for excuses for any of the aforementioned
too.
Q4) Does age make a difference and are there different forms
of bullying for girls and boys?
A) People can get bullied at any age. Adults get bullied too.
All forms of bullying can be done by both boys and girls. It has been suggested
that girls use more relational types of bullying and boys more physical at
times.
Q5) What should my child do to stop the bully? How should
they respond to the bully?
A) There is no one quick fix, no one magical solution to
deal with bullying. We need to find what will work for us. As a first step for
those low on confidence, they might want to try activities to raise their self
esteem and confidence such as working on open body language, take up a sport or
martial art, find ways for them to feel good about themselves.
Q6) What can parents of young children do about school
bullying?
A) Demonstrate through their own behaviour positive
relationships. Listen and talk to their child, take their concerns seriously. Ask
them what it is they would like done rather than charging in with their own
ideas. Be aware that their child has the possibility to be a bully as well as
someone who gets bullied. Keep an open dialogue with the school and their child’s
teachers. Never stay quiet about bullying.
Q7) What can parents of teens do about school bullying?
See answer to question 6.
Q8) If I suspect my child is bullying others, what should I
do?
See answer to question 6. Find out the truth, be honest with
child and self. If they are bullying others, then find out why, are they
masking some other inadequacy? Are they bullying because they are getting
bullied? It’s very rare for parents to report to the school that they suspect
their child of being a bully … be that first parent. Seek help – don’t try and
deal with it all yourself, on your own.
Q9) What can I do as a parent to promote safe use of the
internet, and minimise the risk of my child being bullied online?
Educate yourself about safe internet use s well as your
child. Make sure you know as much as your child does about social networks etc.
Do not let children have access to the internet in their bedrooms. Have a communal
internet PC/Mac in a space where everyone can see what is going on.
Q10) What’s the most common question you’re asked by
parents?
A) How can I stop my child from getting bullied.
Dr Andy Hickson
Director of Actionwork
